I Won’t Look Back

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Hello! Welcome to my very first blog!!  I am thrilled that you decided to stop by.  Please feel free to pour yourself a cup of your favorite beverage, prop your feet up, and enjoy!

This is my first attempt at blogging and I have to admit I was a bit freaked out about it. Why? I am not exactly sure.  I love to write and I journal often. So I could not for the life of me come up with an intelligent response to the question, “Why am I afraid of blogging?” Initially, anyway.  But after mulling it over a bit I finally realized that the reason I was so terrified at the thought of blogging is I had no idea what I would blog about.  Sure, there are a slew of hot button topics I have an opinion about, but nothing that warranted me actually taking the time out of my daily routine to write about.  But, after careful consideration of my life and where I am on this journey, I realized I would use the blogging 10-day challenge to express my thoughts on dating, love, heartbreak and marriage.  I mean, it is a topic I have a great deal to say about.  It is something I am passionate about. And as fate would have it, I find myself wondering why I seem to be losing at the game of love.

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Some would say I have not lost. In fact, Alfred Lord Tennison would surely agree I’ve not lost at love since he  believed, “Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.” And while that may be true, losing to me goes much deeper than never having experienced love.  Losing to me means I have yet to experience the joy of my wedding day. I don’t know what it feels like to stand across from the man that chose me as the one with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  Instead I find myself fighting through the thoughts of not being enough as I grasp the reality that no man I’ve dated as obviously ever thought I was enough to make his wife. So I adamantly disagree with Mr. Tennison and others.  I have lost..in my mind; and as the decades continue to pass me by I find myself asking God, ‘Why?’ ‘Why am I still single?” “Why has another man taken from me and then simply walked away?” “Why has marriage so fiercely eluded me when I know I heard your voice say, ‘you will be married’?”

So here I am, single yet again. Wounded and on the road of healing. But this time is different. This time there is a feeling of determination to stand in front of the mirror, free of the masks…free of pre-conceived notions…free from my past…and allow God to do in me what needs to be done to prepare me for my King.  Yes, this time is different; and I will fight through wanting to look back so that I may instead get ahead.

 

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About Shannon Robinson

Shannon Robinson Born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland (Go Ravens!!!), I discovered early on that I am very opinionated and passionate about my opinions. This has brought on the realization for me that I think differently from most people and it took some time for me to come to grips with that unique side of me. Writing for me is often an escape. A place I can go with my thoughts and opinions and not have to concern myself with offending anyone or not agreeing with someone. My thoughts and opinions are mine and God’s and I know that He doesn’t judge me on them. My writing is a personal journey that allows me to be transparent with self (and sometimes others) as I believe that nothing I have experienced or gone through on this journey called life was meant for me to keep to myself. Somewhere there is another woman who is experiencing or has experienced the very same things, thoughts, and feelings I have and it is my prayer that my story in some small way helps her to see that she too can come through. While at the same time giving God glory for his wondrous works. I appreciate you for stopping by and sharing in my journey as I try my absolute best to navigate it as smoothly as possible; even when I come across detours and bumps along the way. ~ Hotep

4 responses »

  1. Beautifully written. I am so glad that you are overcoming your fears and you obviously have a great deal to say about a sensitive subject. As someone who has love and lost, I feel your pain yet understand that God has a greater plan for us both. He’s saving us for that special someone worthy of the love that God designed from the beginning of time. I know it does not always feel good to love and lose but I stand on the Word of God that we have not truly lost. We have gained because walking boldly in the love God has for us will give us so much more. Keep the faith. I can’t wait to reach more because I know you have an amazing story to tell. Congrats on taking the first step beautiful one. HUGS As I Encourage you, I Encourage Myself. Be Blessed. http://www.RaleneSpeaks.com

    Liked by 1 person

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