Hello! Welcome to my very first blog!! I am thrilled that you decided to stop by. Please feel free to pour yourself a cup of your favorite beverage, prop your feet up, and enjoy!
This is my first attempt at blogging and I have to admit I was a bit freaked out about it. Why? I am not exactly sure. I love to write and I journal often. So I could not for the life of me come up with an intelligent response to the question, “Why am I afraid of blogging?” Initially, anyway. But after mulling it over a bit I finally realized that the reason I was so terrified at the thought of blogging is I had no idea what I would blog about. Sure, there are a slew of hot button topics I have an opinion about, but nothing that warranted me actually taking the time out of my daily routine to write about. But, after careful consideration of my life and where I am on this journey, I realized I would use the blogging 10-day challenge to express my thoughts on dating, love, heartbreak and marriage. I mean, it is a topic I have a great deal to say about. It is something I am passionate about. And as fate would have it, I find myself wondering why I seem to be losing at the game of love.
Some would say I have not lost. In fact, Alfred Lord Tennison would surely agree I’ve not lost at love since he believed, “Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.” And while that may be true, losing to me goes much deeper than never having experienced love. Losing to me means I have yet to experience the joy of my wedding day. I don’t know what it feels like to stand across from the man that chose me as the one with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Instead I find myself fighting through the thoughts of not being enough as I grasp the reality that no man I’ve dated as obviously ever thought I was enough to make his wife. So I adamantly disagree with Mr. Tennison and others. I have lost..in my mind; and as the decades continue to pass me by I find myself asking God, ‘Why?’ ‘Why am I still single?” “Why has another man taken from me and then simply walked away?” “Why has marriage so fiercely eluded me when I know I heard your voice say, ‘you will be married’?”
So here I am, single yet again. Wounded and on the road of healing. But this time is different. This time there is a feeling of determination to stand in front of the mirror, free of the masks…free of pre-conceived notions…free from my past…and allow God to do in me what needs to be done to prepare me for my King. Yes, this time is different; and I will fight through wanting to look back so that I may instead get ahead.