FIERCLY INDEPENDENT OR JUST PLAIN OLE NIAVE?

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strong black woman

A friend recently married the love of her life. While I was not part of the wedding celebration (physically), reading the nuggets that she shares about her relationship has truly been a blessing to me. Recently she shared that she was having one of those days that makes us long for its end. As I lived that day through her words, one sentence pierced my very soul……

It feels amazing to not have to figure everything out anymore.

I am paraphrasing her statement but that is the gist of what she said; it feels amazing to not have to figure everything out anymore. I thought about that statement for a moment. I allowed the words to dance in my head until they rolled sweetly from my lips and I found myself repeating them aloud…..

It feels amazing to not have to figure everything out anymore.

Ok, you are probably wondering by now where am I going with this. I am so glad you asked. Gentleman, how many of you have heard a woman make this profession? I bet quite a few of you have! Ladies, how many of you have said to yourself or someone else, ‘I don’t need a man to do anything for me!’ HAHA, I see your hands on your hips and your necks rolling around as you say it! How many of you have heard your mother, aunt, or any other woman announce to the world (or at least to anyone who would listen) “I don’t need a man to do nothing for me!” Maybe I’m the only one. Maybe I’m the only who with as much attitude as I could muster declared to the universe that I did not need a man to do absolutely nothing for me, while at the same time professing that I wanted to be married.

Well, I’m here to tell you something you may not know— the devil is a ball faced liar! And that statement is a lie from the pit of hell!! Maybe it was age, growth, maturity, life, or a combination of all of those things that has helped me to realize that even though I can do this without a man, I no longer want to and I’m not ashamed to say so. When life shows up—and at some point she always does—I can only imagine how amazing it would be to not have to figure it out alone (whatever it is at the moment). Through job loss, death, borderline homelessness, and sickness, not to mention just every day stuff, I was alone. And before anyone gets all deep and spiritual on me, yes Jesus was with me. I know this because he said he would never leave me nor forsake me. But this is a real blog, telling a real story, so let’s just be real. Remember the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman? There was a scene where Shemar Moore’s character told Kimberly Elise’s character that all she had to do was wake up in the morning and he would take it from there. COME ON!!! YES!!! All I have to do is wake up (God has that covered) and not have to figure everything out on my own?! I’ll take one of those for $200 Alex!

Far too often women are taught and sometimes forced to be strong and independent. We are taught to rely on no one, particularly a man, to do nothing for us. Sadly, some women are taught it’s a sign of weakness to admit that they do need a man’s help sometimes. Maybe I don’t need him to pay my bills. Maybe I don’t need him to buy me shoes. Maybe I don’t need him to catch the mouse….wait; I do need him for that. But I do need him. I need his presence when things are hard. I need his wisdom when I don’t know what to do. I need his comforting touch when I’ve had a horrible day that has completely brought me to tears. I need his reassurance that no matter what everything will be alright. I need him to pray with me and for me. I need him to wash me in the word of God. And I am not afraid to admit it.

So to my #DearFutureHusband, if you are reading this blog, please understand that while I am strong and independent, I am not so strong and independent to admit to you that it feels so amazing to not have to figure everything out anymore.

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About Shannon D. Robinson

Shannon Robinson Born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland (Go Ravens!!!), I discovered early on that I am very opinionated and passionate about my opinions. This has brought on the realization for me that I think differently from most people and it took some time for me to come to grips with that unique side of me. Writing for me is often an escape. A place I can go with my thoughts and opinions and not have to concern myself with offending anyone or not agreeing with someone. My thoughts and opinions are mine and God’s and I know that He doesn’t judge me on them. My writing is a personal journey that allows me to be transparent with self (and sometimes others) as I believe that nothing I have experienced or gone through on this journey called life was meant for me to keep to myself. Somewhere there is another woman who is experiencing or has experienced the very same things, thoughts, and feelings I have and it is my prayer that my story in some small way helps her to see that she too can come through. While at the same time giving God glory for his wondrous works. I appreciate you for stopping by and sharing in my journey as I try my absolute best to navigate it as smoothly as possible; even when I come across detours and bumps along the way. ~ Hotep

2 responses »

  1. This is great. Growing up with an independent mother I saw her doing everything by herself, for her and her children, I didn’t know anything else. Now as a 35+ single woman I’m having to take a step back and allow him (when he arrives in my life) to do the things I know I can do for myself; I need to let him be a man.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! Yes, I know about the independent mother. My mom had a husband was still fiercely independent. Most of us are taught to be that way. I know I was. But like you said, I’m having to retrain my thinking so that when my husband arrives I am able to let go and allow him to take his rightful place.

      Like

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