My blog post ‘Can A Sistah Get A Date’ sparked interesting conversation. I learned that a few of my readers were asking themselves the same question. One reader asked, “Did I write this or did you?!” Others shared that prior to marrying; they had not had a date in 5, 6, even 7 years. And then there were my male readers who offered that women ask the question but really do not want to know the reason why. I really did want to know but never got a response. I’m still waiting on that by the way (hint hint). Still, I was happy to see the conversation taking place.
But I must let you in on a little secret. The question, ‘can a sistah get a date’ was not a plea for a date. In fact, it was just the opposite. It was a realization that of the few relationships that I have had, we never actually dated first. Most people meet, go out a few times, they talk, they spend time getting to know one another and then at some point decide if they want to pursue a relationship with one another. Somehow, the ex’s and I skipped the dating and went right to relationship. I hadn’t considered this until recently as I’ve been doing some self-reflection and realized the dating started after the relationship began. I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked about this revelation. I’ve said for years that I hate the dating process. Dating always seemed to feel as though an audition was taking place. It just never seemed fun to me. But that may have had a lot to do with my attitude towards it. Nevertheless I have never dated….really.
Dating has become hard though; especially with the birth of social media. The concept of dating in 2015 is quite different than when I was in my 20’s. Now, “Netflix and Chill” consists of a date (I still think that is code for ‘let’s have sex’). The idea of actually having a conversation with someone either in person or over the telephone is foreign. Now everything is text messaging, IM, or Facebook messaging. And speaking of Facebook, it has become a barometer for our relationship. If the new boo doesn’t change his or her Facebook status to reflect that they are in a relationship, an argument ensues. If the new boo doesn’t post pictures of their significant other or talk about their relationship on social media then that means they must be cheating. Or quite the opposite happens; two people meet and before the relationship has time to develop its all over Facebook and then three months later it’s over and here comes the subtle posts bashing the relationship. I want to put myself in a time capsule and go back to a time when dating was simpler, when men were gentlemen, when love was praised, and music was about the beauty of love and sex and not #trapqueens, #sidechicks, and #thesehoesaintloyal. It seems the days of Marvin Gaye singing #DistantLover and The Chi-Lites asking #HaveYouSeenHer are long gone. Or how about Eddie Levert and the OJays telling us that they cried with their baby last night and then started making love. Remember Teena Marie #DearLover? And Luther Vandross #AHouseIsNotAHome? And this blog wouldn’t be complete without the masters of love and sex The Isley Brothers. Times have surely changed and so have I.
I’ve changed because honestly, I don’t want to date. Not in the typical fashion. I date with a purpose. I no longer have time to waste on dating Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike. I just want to meet the person I am going to spend the remainder of my life with and get married. I don’t want to date this person and that person. I don’t want to sex this person and that person. I want to marry, date, and love my husband for the rest of my life. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe for some it is; and that is ok. I know what my truth is and I am comfortable with my truth. And the man God has chosen to give my heart to……..he also will be comfortable with my truth because it will also be his truth. Until such time…..my King’s throne is reserved.