It is truly a sad state of mind to be broken and not realize it. This was indeed the state in which I was living. However, like the lost son, I was slowly coming to myself. The reckless living had all but ceased and deep in my soul I began to feel that something was indeed missing. And if I were to be honest with myself I would know that something was God. But there were still areas of my life that I needed to fix before I said yes to Jesus. There were behaviors that I needed to stop. I was very aware of this but I did not know how to begin that process.
My life continued, but with each day I felt more and more like God was calling for me. With each sunrise and sunset I could feel God tugging at my heart. And you would think that I would have gone to my mother and shared what I was feeling and asked her what I should do. But I did not.
Then God sent an angel into my life. She was a 5’9”’ inch bundle of life. She was a free spirit. She was funny. She was full of energy. She was a people magnet. She could (and did) talk to anyone. And when she prayed………….OH MY GOODNESS! We met in the military and I was immediately drawn to her. One of the first things we talked about was No More Sheets by Prophetess Juanita Bynum. I had never heard of it but was intrigued after my angel and I began to discuss it. My angel began to witness to me and I shared with her that I wasn’t ready. There were some things I needed to fix first. Some things I needed to stop doing. She said, in a matter of fact kind of way, ‘if you could stop or fix anything then Jesus’ death was in vain.’ Didn’t understand what she meant but I wasn’t swayed. I had to do this my way. I had to fix it first. Then I would be ready. The tugging at my heart continued and my new friend continued to witness.
One day I decided that I wanted to start studying the bible. I didn’t ask my mother whose walk with the Lord I admired. I didn’t ask my new friend. Instead, I shared it with a friend that was a different religion and she was more than oblige to study with me. But, God had other plans.
“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” ~ Proverbs 16:9