There is a misconception that once a person becomes a Christian that somehow…miraculously…life becomes great for them. I am here to set the record straight…..it does not! I often wonder did I assume the same thing before I became a Christian. I really can’t recall. But seventeen years later I can say with most certainty that being a Christian does not equate to a trouble free life. Nowhere in the bible does God promise us that once we accept his gift of salvation that life would be easy. What he does promise is that when we call on him in the day of trouble he will deliver us. What he does promise is that he will be with us always. What he does promise is that he will be our refuge; a very present help in the time of trouble. And what I learned……at a serious cost…….is that when we remind God of his promises he will do just what he said.
However, until then, while God and I were developing our relationship, I struggled. One area I struggled in was the area of lust. I know talking about someone struggling with lust is taboo. That somehow when a person struggles with lust, there is something wrong with them. But that was not the case. I was having sex. Simple and plain. And now that I was a Christian, for some reason, I believed that I had to just stop having sex…..instantaneously. And so the struggle game began.
I so desperately wanted to do what God wanted me to do that after saying yes to Jesus I declared that I was never having sex again. Now, I believe that abstinence is what God wanted for me. However, in my arrogance and ignorance I thought I could just stop and do this on my own and that would be it. It was all part of the “I need to fix me first” campaign. The other issue with my declaration is that I was in a relationship. Making that vow without first speaking to the person I was in the relationship with was wrong and unfair on so many levels. I guess I believed he did not have a say in the matter. This was God and this was how it was going to be and he just had to accept it. Well, he did not just accept it. It caused tremendous strain in our relationship. What once was a loving relationship became sour, contentious and unrecognisable. I was wrestling in my spirit. I was confused. I was torn between obedience to God and pleasing the man I was in a relationship with. What was I going to do? I tried talking to people. And everyone said the same thing, “If he loves you he will understand.” Really? Just like that. After all of this time having sex I just decide one day not to have sex and his love for me comes into question if he does not buy into it? I disagreed. But I was a babe in Christ. I was trying to figure this thing out. I had no idea what to do. And for two years we struggled. Until eventually the relationship ended. I was devastated. I was saddened. I was angry. I was confused.
Ok God……what now?