WHAT?!!!!!

Standard
WHAT?!!!!!

My mother would have a few more hospital stays. She also had to have surgery which was petrifying for me. But God brought her through it. I recall a few nights after her surgery, my dad went home while I stayed for mommy duty. I was missing lying next to her, so for a few moments I climbed in the hospital bed with her. I relished in that moment, but if you’ve ever spent even one night in a hospital you know that the chances of getting any sleep are slim to none. My mother finally came home and was doing really well. She had to use oxygen because the scleroderma was affecting her lungs but she was home and I was happy.

In October 2007 my mom and dad came to Philadelphia for my retirement ceremony from the Air Force. I was so happy to have her there and she was beaming all the way. I had stopped fasting by this time but I was still believing God for complete healing for my mom. I had even began looking into surprising them with another cruise. But because my mom used an oxygen tank, the hopes of another cruise quickly diminished.

By late 2009, early 2010 we learned that the scleroderma was now affecting her heart and there was a particular medication that she would need. Unfortunately, Medicaid did not cover the medication and there was no generic brand available. And even more disturbing was the medication was almost $10,000! Yes, you read correctly, $10,000! I was livid and worry began to set in once again but I prayed and stood on God’s word that he would provide the medication that my mother needed. I reminded God everyday that my mother had to be at my wedding and my graduation. So I knew that he would answer my prayer and heal her.

But even in the midst of believing, I still worried and still doubted. I know it is said if you are going to pray, don’t worry; and if you are going to worry, don’t pray. But I was really struggling in my faith at this point. My mom seemed to be deteriorating and I feared the worse.

My biggest fear was being home…..alone….and receiving a call that my mother had died. I was not sure how I would handle that news alone and so I told God my concerns. At this point it may sound like I was giving up, but I really was not. Although I had days that I struggled in my faith, i still told myself that by his stripes she is healed. And I thank God for the prayer warriors who were covering me.

Mothers Day 2010 I spent with my mom. As was custom, I kicked my dad out of their bed and I cuddled up with my mom. Actually, he was use to it so when he knew that I was coming he would take his place on the couch. My mom and I had a great weekend together and I told her I would be back as soon as I could.

Upon my return to work, I learned that I would be laid off because of the recession. I was not surprised because God had already warned me that it was going to happen. I was excited (go figure) and saw it as an opportunity to finish my bachelors degree full time. My mother on the other hand went right into mommy mode. She wanted me to pack up my apartment and move to North Carolina. I assured her I would be just fine. But should the need arise I would be on my way.

Shortly thereafter my mother told me she wanted to have a family meeting. She said she wanted my brother and I to come to North Carolina so that she could talk to us. I asked her about what and she said she wanted to talk face to face. But I wouldn’t let it go and then she dropped a bombshell:

We need to talk as a family because I am going to die.

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About Shannon Robinson

Shannon Robinson Born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland (Go Ravens!!!), I discovered early on that I am very opinionated and passionate about my opinions. This has brought on the realization for me that I think differently from most people and it took some time for me to come to grips with that unique side of me. Writing for me is often an escape. A place I can go with my thoughts and opinions and not have to concern myself with offending anyone or not agreeing with someone. My thoughts and opinions are mine and God’s and I know that He doesn’t judge me on them. My writing is a personal journey that allows me to be transparent with self (and sometimes others) as I believe that nothing I have experienced or gone through on this journey called life was meant for me to keep to myself. Somewhere there is another woman who is experiencing or has experienced the very same things, thoughts, and feelings I have and it is my prayer that my story in some small way helps her to see that she too can come through. While at the same time giving God glory for his wondrous works. I appreciate you for stopping by and sharing in my journey as I try my absolute best to navigate it as smoothly as possible; even when I come across detours and bumps along the way. ~ Hotep

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