Asking The Right Question

Asking The Right Question

I have a friend who admitted to conducting background checks on every guy she dated. She told me that she would thoroughly check their criminal background to ensure that he didn’t have any criminal behavior lurking in his background. By the same token I have heard of people requesting credit report information to learn how financially savvy an individual is (or is not) before entering into a marriage with them. And there are those in the dating pool that ask for medical information to include having tests done for HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.

But whoever thinks to do a generational background check? While we are asking pertinent questions of a potential mate, are we asking about generational issues that may be lurking in their family bloodline? Issues such as alcoholism, drug abuse, infidelity, incest, etc., that if not dealt with could manifest itself in our marriage or family.

Many people mistakenly refute the idea of generational curses. We look at someone battling alcoholism or drug addiction and we never once consider the possibility that the individual didn’t stand a chance because of their family background. Way back when, before the person’s parents were thought about, there was a close relative that also battled with an addiction, but no one attributes the battle today to that of yesterday. I’m reminded of a woman whose husband was a habitual cheater. As a woman it is easy to conclude that her husband was just a “dog” and not ready for marriage.  But what the woman discovered was that her husband’s father, grandfather, and uncles are all habitual cheaters.  Her husband, unbeknownst to him, was dealing with a family stronghold.  And until the stronghold was dealt with, it would forever manifest itself in his life.

I have to be honest, as a single woman I never thought to ask a potential suitor what family strongholds were in his background. At least not until a few weeks ago when a woman I recently met shared her testimony.  And now, with the other questions that I have for potential suitors I will be asking about family strongholds.  You see, I need to be prepared.  If there is a history of drug abuse, I need to know this.  If there is a history of alcoholism, I need to know this.  If there is a history of mental health issues, I need to know this. If there is a history of abuse, I need to know this as well.  After listening to this woman share her testimony, I thought to myself, it would be crazy for me not to ask these questions beforehand.  To simply ignore the fact that the possibility is there would be the definition of insanity.  As I look back over my own life I see the family strongholds.  Some have been dealt with, others are being dealt with.  But just as important are the other questions on my list, so are these question.  I would be crazy to take these things lightly or to continue to think that it could not affect my marriage at some point.

As a single woman, I can’t be afraid to ask the tough questions and to answer the tough questions. I cannot afford to continue to look at dating as something fun and worry about the hard stuff after marriage.  No, I want to go into this with my eyes wide open.  I want to know as much information about #DearFutureHusband before saying I do.  What his favorite move is, or what his favorite color is, or any of the other surface conversations that we tend to have when dating, can all wait until after we are married.  I want to have the tough and difficult conversations now so that I am able to make a wise decision when choosing who I will marry.

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.” – Chinese proverb




About Shannon D. Robinson

Shannon Robinson Born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland (Go Ravens!!!), I discovered early on that I am very opinionated and passionate about my opinions. This has brought on the realization for me that I think differently from most people and it took some time for me to come to grips with that unique side of me. Writing for me is often an escape. A place I can go with my thoughts and opinions and not have to concern myself with offending anyone or not agreeing with someone. My thoughts and opinions are mine and God’s and I know that He doesn’t judge me on them. My writing is a personal journey that allows me to be transparent with self (and sometimes others) as I believe that nothing I have experienced or gone through on this journey called life was meant for me to keep to myself. Somewhere there is another woman who is experiencing or has experienced the very same things, thoughts, and feelings I have and it is my prayer that my story in some small way helps her to see that she too can come through. While at the same time giving God glory for his wondrous works. I appreciate you for stopping by and sharing in my journey as I try my absolute best to navigate it as smoothly as possible; even when I come across detours and bumps along the way. ~ Hotep

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