A Need….Not A Want 

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A Need….Not A Want 

My mother’s death was hard. I experienced a ton of emotions to include being angry with God. It felt as though my heart had been ripped out. I suddenly found myself living in a world where my mother no longer existed. I felt out of place. I was smiling on the outside but on the inside I was dying a slow death. Eventually I had to see a therapist to help me cope with the grief of losing the most important person in my life. 
One of the things that I struggled with in the days, weeks, months and years following my mother’s death, was talking to any woman that was connected to my mother. Following my mother’s death my cousin and aunts and god mother would call to talk to me and check on me and it made my heart ache. I would literally burst into tears immediately following the call. I would cry uncontrollably as though I were reliving the moment I learned my mother had died.

 But why? Why did speaking to them bring me to tears? Why did I eventually find myself avoiding talking to them? It’s simple, because talking to them was a constant reminder that my mother was no longer here. And talking to any woman other than my mother was taboo for me. NO WOMAN was allowed to get close to me. I began to feel as though she was trying to take my mother’s place. And as far as I was concerned NO WOMAN would be able to take the place of my mother! 

But I’m being shown the importance of having a Naomi in my life. An older woman who can teach me and pour into my life. Titus 2:3-5 says, “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” 

As I believe God for my husband; as I prepare a foundation for being a godly wife, I’ve come to realize I desperately need this relationship in my life. A spiritual mother. A woman who will teach me. A woman who will encourage me. But also a woman who will call me on the carpet about my junk. A woman who will tell me I’m wrong and challenge me. I need this woman in my life! But I also need a spiritual father. A man who will teach me and warn me and be an example for me.  

I thank God for revelation. And it is my prayer that God leads me to my spiritual parents. 

Hotep 

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About Shannon Robinson

Shannon Robinson Born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland (Go Ravens!!!), I discovered early on that I am very opinionated and passionate about my opinions. This has brought on the realization for me that I think differently from most people and it took some time for me to come to grips with that unique side of me. Writing for me is often an escape. A place I can go with my thoughts and opinions and not have to concern myself with offending anyone or not agreeing with someone. My thoughts and opinions are mine and God’s and I know that He doesn’t judge me on them. My writing is a personal journey that allows me to be transparent with self (and sometimes others) as I believe that nothing I have experienced or gone through on this journey called life was meant for me to keep to myself. Somewhere there is another woman who is experiencing or has experienced the very same things, thoughts, and feelings I have and it is my prayer that my story in some small way helps her to see that she too can come through. While at the same time giving God glory for his wondrous works. I appreciate you for stopping by and sharing in my journey as I try my absolute best to navigate it as smoothly as possible; even when I come across detours and bumps along the way. ~ Hotep

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