“Who can find a virtuous woman?” ~ Proverbs 31:10
Recently I was speaking to a friend about marriage and that my desire is just not to be a wife, but to be a wife whose husband is proud of her and whose friends pat him on the back and say something like “well done.” I told this person that my desire is to not just be a wife but to be a virtuous wife; a wife who is her husband’s crown. I explained with passion that I desire to be the kind of wife that speaks life to her husband. The type of wife that encourages her husband. The wife who wakes up everyday thinking of ways to make her husband happy. My friend looked at me rather oddly; as though I were speaking in another language and I gathered by the silence that what I was saying was foreign…a concept that she had never even considered. Or maybe found silly, outdated, or even subservient. And quite understandably. The world that we live in does not teach us to be this type of wife. And most of us weren’t raised by women that exemplified this type of wife. I can testify that I sure was not! But as I’ve matured and grown I’ve come to understand that this is the type of wife God wants me to be.
I remember many years ago a dear friend told me that being chosen to be a wife is a gift from God and she took her role as her husband’s wife seriously. Admittedly, I was taken aback by her statement that being chosen to be a wife was a gift from God, but I admired and respected her sentiments. And it was in that moment that I knew I wanted to feel that way about my marriage. I knew that I wanted to take my role as my husband’s wife seriously. And I knew that I was not going to learn it from the world.
And so I’ve made it a point to learn what God says a wife is and what a wife should do. I’ve sat at the feet of married women and fed off every word they’ve shared concerning marriage and how to do it God’s way. I’ve taken notes and prayed and cried and prayed and cried and prayed and cried asking God to break in me what needs to be broken and develop in me the characteristics of a godly wife. I’ve asked God to develop the Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) in me. I immerse myself in books and bible studies and in conversations about marriage (good, bad, and ugly) to help me prepare or at least lay a foundation upon which I can stand when God bestows his gift of marriage upon me. It’s not something that I will enter into lightly and thus, in taking the advice of my pastor, I am preparing now.
And so my friend looked at me and said, “ok” as she laughed and changed the topic of our conversation. For a moment I took her response personally….for a very minute moment. And then I reminded myself, God’s ways are not our ways; and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. God’s ways are a mystery to the world. But to those who are open and poised to receive, it is a thirst quenching well.
My husband will find me one day. And I will be his crown.
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.” Proverbs 12:4