There Is A Balm

Singleness is a time to reflect. Singleness is a time to be restored. Singleness is a time to heal. Singleness is a time to discover who we are and what we want. Singleness is a time for renewal of the mind, body, and spirit.  Heal. Restore. Mend.

 

Recently a friend’s illustration revealed to me how I have given pieces of myself away in relationships. She took a piece of paper and began to tear it. Each time she tore the paper she said it represented pieces of me that I have given to men over the years. Him. Him. Him. Him. When she had but one small piece of paper left she said that piece of paper was all I had left to give to my husband because I’ve given so much of myself away already.  Ouch.

 

 

While that revelation was painful to hear, I am reminded that there is a Balm in Gilead.

 

“There is a balm in Gilead

To make the wounded whole;

There is a balm in Gilead

To heal the sin-sick soul”.

Jesus is my Balm in Gilead.  His blood is the balm that is applied to my life to Heal, Restore, and Mend.  I love Matthew Henry’s commentary about the Balm in Gilead.  He says, “God is able to help and to heal.  The blood of Christ is a balm in Gilead, his Spirit is the Physician there, all-sufficient; so that the people may be healed.”  I am reminded of King David who the bible says was a man after God’s own heart.  Yet we also know that King David dealt with his own sin.  But even through his challenges and difficulties David knew that God was able to restore him.  In Psalm 5:12 David writes:

“Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you”.

  Psalm 23 also reminds me that God will restore what I have freely given away:

“He restores my soul.  He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

 My friend’s illustration was painful to hear.  But I rejoice knowing that God loves me so much that he heals, restores, and mends all that is broken and damaged in my life.

“What can wash away my sin……”

Hotep

His Gift

I am reading a book by Debi Pearl called Created To Be His Help Meet: Discover how God can make your marriage glorious.  Because my desire is to be married, I have been gleaning wisdom through scripture, books and listening to the wisdom of married couples.Beyond  just being married and being a wife however, my true desire is to be a godly wife. I desire to do marriage as God intended. I desire to be my husband’s crown. I desire for my husband to be proud to call me his wife. But I realized years ago that I would not see the manifestation of my desires with the mindset I had. And so the journey began to learn what kind of wife God desires me to be. 

First, I was introduced to Cheesette Cowan and her book Cultivating A Marriage Mindset which solidified for me that my way of thinking needed to change before I entered into a marriage covenant. And now Debi Pearl is showing me through God’s word and her experiences how to “appreciate the gift of my husband with a thankful heart that produces joy and wisdom in me and my home.” 

In chapter 1 the first thing that leaped off the page for me were these words, “A wise woman doesn’t take anything for granted. She is thankful to be loved and seeks to make herself more lovely.”  

As I read those words I wondered to myself, “how many times have I been guilty of taking someone for granted?” We mistakenly assume that a person is going to be around forever. We make the mistake of thinking that we have time.  I thought of my past relationships and how and it felt to be taken for granted. It is not a pleasant feeling. But we have a tendency to (maybe unknowingly) place our careers and sometimes other people over those we love. We think because we are married to them they should understand and/or they are not going anywhere. But that way of thinking could be setting us up for failure in our marriages. So when I ask God to make me into a wife, it is also my prayer that he gives me the wisdom to not take my husband for granted. 

Part B of the above quote says “she is thankful to be loved and seeks to make herself more lovely.” A dear friend once told me that being a wife is a gift from God. I had never looked at marriage that way but hearing her say that had an impact on me then and has left a lasting impression on me. 

 I was also reminded of conversations I’ve been privy to where women did not see it necessary any longer to go the extra mile to look nice for their husbands. 

We hear that men are visual creatures. And every day our husbands see women who are visually attractive to them. So the question I ask myself is, should he not also come home to his wife and find her looking lovely? 

While dating we pull out all of the stops. We don’t want our boyfriend to see us in sweats or that raggedy tee shirt we love so much. We make sure our hair is neat and we keep our mani/pedi game tight and we have on our lip gloss or maybe our face is beat to the gods. Bottom line, we go the extra mile to always look lovely for our boyfriends. But once we get married we adopt the attitude that he should just accept us as we are. I disagree. 

I am not competing with any woman my husband will see throughout his day, but I also don’t want my husband seeing these other woman who have taken time with their appearance, only to come home and see me looking as though I just rolled out of bed. The same effort I put into dating him, I want to put the same effort  into keeping his interest after we are married. 

In the book Debi Pearl confirms what my friend said years ago: “God gave Adam the most precious gift a man will ever receive-a woman. 

“And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18) 

And then God “brought her into the man” (Genesis 2:22). 

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22) 

I decree that I  am my husband’s most treasured gift. One that he will cherish and thank God for every day. 

Hotep 

……But First The Process

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

I became a Christian 18 years ago. It was the best decision that I did not make and one that I have never regretted. I love God with all of my heart, all of my mind, all of my soul, and all of my strength. And I struggle with who I am. And I sometimes exhibit anger. And I sometimes get depressed. Now before someone goes and gets their knickers in a twist, please understand that I believe that what I cannot reveal, God cannot heal. And thus, I live my life as an open book for two reasons: First, I know God uses my struggles and my testimony to help someone else. And second, God knows everything about me so why should I care what man thinks? 

There are a lot of people who love God with every ounce of their being, who struggle with something. People who face a battle within their mind every day. Yes, I know word on the street is that once you become a Christian the battle is over or sin magically disappears but is it really? God promises in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” But the distance between what God says and where we are is often times great.

I love God but I have moments when I’m insecure. I love God but I struggle with lust. I love God but I get depressed. I love God but I lack patience. I love God but I get angry sometimes. I love God but my thoughts can sometimes be evil. I love God and I strive daily to obey his word. I strive daily to grow spiritually. But I still fall short often. How is this possible? Because I, like many of God’s people, have an ongoing battle within our mind. 

Satan, our number one enemy, has one job that he takes very seriously: “to kill, steal, and destroy” (John 10:10). Satan studies us. He takes the time to get to know us. He knows our likes and dislikes. He knows our weaknesses. He listens to our prayers. He…Is….On…His…Job! And the first thing he attacks is our mind! He wants us to believe that we can’t change or that we will never change. He does not want us to ever realize who we are. He wants us to always be insecure, lacking confidence, believing that we have nothing to offer the world. Satan works hard to keep us in bondage because he knows that God predestined each of us for greatness; and he does not want us to reach our full potential. He does not want us to become the men and women God created us to be. But the devil is a liar and the truth can not be found in him anywhere!! 

So how do you and I begin to win the battle in our mind? How do we finally lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us (Hebrews 12:1). I am so glad you asked. God tells us to not conform to this world but to renew our mind. Yes, I understand that we live in this world and sadly through life experiences (our own and the experiences of others), what we allow into our ear gate and eye gate, as well as our thoughts, are shaped by the world. But in 1 Peter 2:9 God says, “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” God has set us apart from the world. He says that we are in the world but not of this world; even as he is not of this world (John 17:16). And so we must be intentional about renewing our mind that we may have the mind of Christ and not the world. 

So how do we do that? How do we renew my mind? Well meaning people will tell you to pray (I’m guilty) and that’s good. Prayer is necessary. But prayer isn’t enough. In Romans 2:12 God does not tell us to pray and ask him to renew our mind. He gives us a command to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. In other words, the process of renewing our mind is equally our responsibility as it is God’s; and I would argue that we share the bulk of the responsibility. 

God promises to be with us through every situation (Deuteronomy 31:6). There is nothing that we will have to face alone when we are walking with God. Being freed from bondage can be scary and the enemy will use that moment to instill fear. For example, this year God told me that my focus is to be on (1) sowing, (2) giving, and (3) tithing. Not that I haven’t been doing these things, but I haven’t been consistent. So this is the year where I change that and it’s scary. And let me tell you, the enemy of my soul is trying to manipulate that. But the Bible says, “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). Making change is always frightening. Renewing our minds will be frightening. But understand that fear is not of God, it’s from the enemy. God promises to be with us. He promised to lead us to all truth. That’s his part. Our part is to seek his truth. Study his word. Let God in every area of our life; not just the areas that we want him him in. The Bible says “in all thy ways acknowledge him.” So we must also acknowledge him in our areas of struggle and know that he is with us. 

We must also ask God for his wisdom. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). What does God say about insecurities? What does God say about the spirit of lust? What does God say about anger? Ask him! Ask him to lead you to his truth! He promised that he would give generously but we have to ask! God is faithful to do just what he said. We never have to wonder if God will keep his promises because he will. But we must also take responsibility for our actions. 

There it is…..our part. We must acknowledge the part we play and take responsibility for it. Call a spade a spade. Take a look in the mirror and get completely raw with the person looking back at you. Admit that what you’ve been doing isn’t working and surrender to God so that he can change you from the inside. We have to admit that we can’t do this on our own. We need God every step of the way. But first we have to take responsibility. 

I know that I can’t listen to certain songs; I can’t watch certain shows; I can’t read certain books; I can’t be around certain people. When I place myself in precarious situations I am setting myself up for failure. I have, in that moment, given the enemy that inch; and believe me when I tell you that the enemy does not play fair! Therefore, I have to be intentional about all that I do because when I am not I set the stage for the enemy to come in and trip me up. You know the saying, “Give a person an inch and they will take a mile? That’s how the enemy works. He’s watching and waiting for that inch. But let’s be intentional about not giving him the satisfaction. Remember, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. 

Philippians 4:8-9 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy; think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” In the fight to win the battle of our mind we must think about good things. When we are thinking on things that are noble and pure and excellent and right, we have less time to think about bad things. And right thoughts often lead to right actions. 

A great deal of what I’ve been taught and/or learned from the world is being challenged. And I am more determined than I have ever been to change how I’ve always thought. Philippians 2:5 says, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” I desire the mind of Christ and so I am doing my part in the process to renew my mind, trusting that as I do my part God will also do his. 

Hotep 

Preparation

“Who can find a virtuous woman?” ~ Proverbs 31:10

Recently I was speaking to a friend about marriage and that my desire is just not to be a wife, but to be a wife whose husband is proud of her and whose friends pat him on the back and say something like “well done.” I told this person that my desire is to not just be a wife but to be a virtuous wife; a wife who is her husband’s crown. I explained with passion that I desire to be the kind of wife that speaks life to her husband. The type of wife that encourages her husband. The wife who wakes up everyday thinking of ways to make her husband happy. My friend looked at me rather oddly; as though I were speaking in another language and I gathered by the silence that what I was saying was foreign…a concept that she had never even considered. Or maybe found silly, outdated, or even subservient. And quite understandably. The world that we live in does not teach us to be this type of wife. And most of us weren’t raised by women that exemplified this type of wife. I can testify that I sure was not! But as I’ve matured and grown I’ve come to understand that this is the type of wife God wants me to be. 

I remember many years ago a dear friend told me that being chosen to be a wife is a gift from God and she took her role as her husband’s wife seriously. Admittedly, I was taken aback by her statement that being chosen to be a wife was a gift from God, but I admired and respected her sentiments. And it was in that moment that I knew I wanted to feel that way about my marriage. I knew that I wanted to take my role as my husband’s wife seriously. And I knew that I was not going to learn it from the world. 

And so I’ve made it a point to learn what God says a wife is and what a wife should do. I’ve sat at the feet of married women and fed off every word they’ve shared concerning marriage and how to do it God’s way. I’ve taken notes and prayed and cried and prayed and cried and prayed and cried asking God to break in me what needs to be broken and develop in me the characteristics of a godly wife. I’ve asked God to develop the Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) in me. I immerse myself in books and bible studies and in conversations about marriage (good, bad, and ugly) to help me prepare or at least lay a foundation upon which I can stand when God bestows his gift of marriage upon me. It’s not something that I will enter into lightly and thus, in taking the advice of my pastor, I am preparing now. 

And so my friend looked at me and said, “ok” as she laughed and changed the topic of our conversation. For a moment I took her response personally….for a very minute moment. And then I reminded myself, God’s ways are not our ways; and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. God’s ways are a mystery to the world. But to those who are open and poised to receive, it is a thirst quenching well. 

My husband will find me one day. And I will be his crown. 

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.” Proverbs 12:4

Hotep 

Hello 2017!

Happy New Year!!!! 

This is my first blog post of the new year. I am still slightly shocked that it is 2017. In fact, it seems as though the world just welcomed 2016 last month. But here we are already three days into a brand new year. If you’re like me you have already written out your goals, made resolutions, and/or set your intentions for 2017; and the real go-getters have already begun to take action to meet the goals they have set for themselves. But before we dove head first into our goals we all took a moment (or at least should have) to bid 2016 adieu and welcome 2017. 

2017 Ice Sculpture Carnival Liberty

Normally my New Years Eve finds me in one of two places: (1) Church attending Watch Night Service, or (2) Home in my PJs waiting for the ball to drop in Time Square. Rarely am I at any other place than the two mentioned previously. But for this NYE I found myself aboard the Carnival Liberty’s lido deck partying like it was 1999. Well, maybe not quite like it was 1999, but close.  The atmosphere was electric! The temperature was perfect! And more than 2000 fellow cruisers were counting down to the new year under the stars, somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean! It was truly a wonderful night and I am so grateful to have been apart of it all. 

New Years Eve Celebration Carnival Liberty Lido Deck

But not only was that night wonderful, my entire vacation was wonderful….from beginning to end, and I did exactly what I wanted to do….ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! This trip was all about rest and relaxation. A time to simply be still and reflect on my successes and failures of 2016 and to consider and strategize on the goals I have written out for myself for 2017. It was a time to listen for that still small voice while allowing God to restore me so that I may be prepared for the journey that lies ahead. 
But as is said, all good things must come to an end and thus my cruise vacation ended today. However, not before teaching me an important lesson and reminding me that God is present in every moment.

On the flight home there were quite a few children and they all must have taken naps earlier because they were doing what children do. One child in particular, who looked to be about two, was quite fussy. He did not want to be confined to his daddy’s lap. He wanted to get down and move around freely. It also appeared that said child was fighting sleep which more than likely intensified his fussiness and that brought on the crying. I was completely enthralled in the book I was reading, but the sound of a crying baby has the capacity to make even the most stoic lose concentration. And as I listened to the cries of the baby and watch him attempt to break free from his father’s grip, and witness the obvious frustration on the faces of some of the other passengers who were reading or napping, I realized in that moment that we all could use a little more patience. I realized that we can become so wrapped up in what we are doing that even the slightest distraction will annoy us. And I’m not suggesting not for good reason, but as I took in that moment on the airplane I thought, crying is how that baby showed his frustration. He wasn’t able to talk so he couldn’t say to his father that he wanted to get down. He was unable to express to his father in words how he was feeling and so he communicated the best way he knew how…..by crying. 

We all at some point on this journey find ourselves in situations that frustrate us. And sometimes we do not know how to express our frustration. For some, the outlet we use to cope involves drugs, alcohol or even sex. Others completely shut down and shut the world out. Some vent their frustration through anger and lashing out. And sadly, there is a percentage that turn to violence; either against themselves or another person. But none of these are good or acceptable means to cope. We will become frustrated with the crying baby because the baby is annoying us but crying is actually a great way to release frustration and negative emotions and feelings. Crying can be healing and soothing. Sometimes after crying I feel free. Now, I’m not suggesting we start walking around crying like babies, but what I am suggesting is that we take the time to see God in that moment. A crying baby shows life…new life. A life that hasn’t been tainted by the world in which we live. Listening to that baby cry reminded me that I am alive and that I still have the ability to hear. Something that I would not be able to enjoy if I were dead or deaf. 

Let’s face it, there are millions of people who would love to hear a baby cry. So let’s not take for granted that even in that moment God is present. We just have to open our hearts to see Him. 

Nassau Bahamas

View of Atlantis From The Serenity Deck, Carnival Liberty

Father, Be My Light

In the mornings while preparing for work I like to watch reruns of My Wife and Kids (or The Fresh Prince of Bel Air), listen to music (the genre depends on my mood) listen to something motivational (recently Eric Thomas), or I’ll listen to a sermon. This morning I listened to a bible study by Priscilla Shirer. You may recognize the name if you are at all familiar with the movie The War Room. I began following her after seeing the movie and thoroughly enjoy her teachings.

The foundation of the teaching I listened to this morning was that as believers we must be mindful of the deceitful ways the enemy trips us up. We must take every decision we have to make and run it through the light of God’s word. She quoted a prayer by Spurgeon which I love. The prayer was, “Lord help us to not only be able to discern the difference between right and wrong, but help us to also be able to discern the difference between right and almost right.” 

The level of truth in Spurgeon’s prayer is astounding. As a single woman maneuvering through dating in the 21st century, I can confess that I’ve met and dated “almost right.” I think of the obvious red flags that would make any woman in her right mind run for the hills. Those easy to spot nuances that immediately scream, “girl that ain’t it!” But what about the man that was as close to what you’ve prayed for as is possible to get and yet you discover that he was really only a decoy. A distraction set in place by the enemy. I mean, this gentleman is just about perfect and so you believe with all your heart that he is your Boaz and so you date and maybe eventually marry only to find out the hard way that this perfect gentleman was really part of the enemy’s plan to steal, kill, and destroy. 

The wrong guy can most times be spotted. But “almost right”……that’s another story entirely. As a single woman in the 21st century I have concerns about choosing the wrong guy. I have concerns that “almost right” will once again show up in my life, only to be totally wrong. And honestly, if I can speak bluntly, that….would…..SUCK!!!! It would suck because with every passing year time becomes more of a precious commodity. And to waste any more time on “almost right” would be well…..a waste. 

And so Priscilla Shirer urged believers to take every decision, no matter how big or how small, to the word of God. But she also spoke at length about not trusting our feelings. She said that feelings are not intellect. In other words our feelings lack wisdom. Our feelings lack understanding. Our feelings oftentimes lack common sense. When we make decisions based off our feelings then we are putting ourselves in a position for deceit. The “almost right” gentleman, the decision I made to pursue a relationship with him was based off feelings. The decision was based off how special he made me feel. The decision was based off everything other than what it should have been based off; me asking God was this his will. Because if I had asked God his thoughts about “almost right” God would have responded with “NO!! and I would have saved myself time and heartache. 

And so, I end this blog as I started it:

“Lord help me to not only be able to discern the difference between right and wrong, but help me to also be able to discern the difference between right and almost right.” 

Hotep 

Singleness: Curse or Blessing

This morning as I scrolled through my timeline on Facebook I came across this post from a friend that I admire.

“Singleness is not a curse or a sentence. It is an opportune time for you to reflect on your past relationships and question if you were really relationship material at that time. We all have some regrets and some have even found the right one through patience and obedience. For those of us who are still single, the test is how many times you have to say “No” to you. Our blessing is right in front of us, but because of a defective picker, we made decisions based off of feelings instead of the spirit. I refuse to be guided by sight anymore. I surrendered my life to Christ and in Him I walk by faith regardless of my flesh seeking what it wanted in the past. Singleness may feel like a curse or a sentence but it is the best thing that you can do for yourself as God shapes and molds you and the right person that has already been handpicked for you.”

My friends statement received a lot of amen’s but also some push back. As I thought about his statement I found myself able to give the Amen but I also understand how singleness can be seen as a curse or a sentence.  Not long ago I believed that my singleness was God punishing me because of my transgressions.  I believe that because of what I did God was withholding marriage from me.  And it has only been within the last year that I have come to terms with the fact that God forgave me, I just needed to forgive myself.

• Point 1: The bible says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Our sin…past, present or future…does not surprise God. God knew more than 2000 years ago that we would need a Savior because our relationship with him was damaged. And therefore gave the best gift ever, his Son Jesus Christ, who took on the sins of the world (that includes me and you) that we may once again be in right relationship with the Father. God says, “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again. So if God, the creator of the universe, the great I Am forgets our sins then why can’t we? I’ll tell you why, because we have an enemy that seeks to kill, steal, and destroy us and he wants to keep us bound. But the devil is a liar. God has forgiven me….God has forgiven you….we no longer need to live a life of defeat bound to the sin that God has clearly forgiven us for.

As I considered my friend’s statement some more I had to be honest and admit that I do question why I am not and have not ever been married. I struggled for the longest with something that my pastor said, “Every post does not have a lid.”  I remember going up to him after service one day and saying to him that every time he said that I wanted to stand up in church and just start screaming because it angered me just much.  Why?  Because I look at some people who are married or have been married and I think, “How in the heck are they married and I am not.  What is wrong with me? “  Hearing him say that challenged me because I know what I heard God say in May 2011 and yet marriage had not come in 2008 when I first heard my pastor say that and marriage still has not come in 2016.  AND God has not said anything else about it since.  So I find that I question whether or not I really heard God say that or is his silence a test of my faith.

• Point 2: God says that his thoughts are not like our thoughts and that his ways are far beyond anything we can imagine. At some times it can feel like God is speaking nonstop. Answering prayers and waters our faith. And then there are times when it seems like God has turned his back on us. Times when it seems like God has forgotten us. Times when it seems like our lives are spiraling out of control and God doesn’t say a mumbling word. He goes silent. He’s absent in our life and our situation. But God is never absent. We only need to look around and see him displayed so brilliantly. AND God promised that he would never leave us nor forsake us and the bible tells us that God is not a man that he should lie. So since we know that God can’t and won’t lie, then we know that he’s not absent, even when he’s silent. I find that in the moments of silence is when I need to praise God the hardest. I find that in the moments of silence I just need to go back to what I know. Go back to what was the last thing I heard God say and hold on to that. Go back to the very basis of my faith. Go back and remind myself of the promises of God. So I encourage you that if you are at a point in your life where it seems as though nothing is going right and God is silent, praise him! Worship him! Go back to the basis of your faith! And remember and speak the promises of God over your life and situation. Remember, Jesus was led into the wilderness and for 40 days he was tempted by the enemy. It seemed like maybe God had forsaken his son but he hadn’t. It was a test. And God’s silence in our life is a test. Are we going to trust God? Or are we going to lean to our own understanding?

Something else that stuck out for me in my friend’s statement was “Our blessing is right in front of us but because of a defective picker, we made decision based off of feelings instead of the spirit.”   When my last relationship ended God said to me, “Are you ready to do it my way now?”  I had been doing it my way and it clearly was not working.  God was just waiting for me to come to myself and surrender.  I go back to; God’s ways are far beyond anything we can imagine.  His ways don’t make sense to the world and in a moment of honest, don’t make sense to me a lot of the time.  But his ways are perfect.  His ways will keep us from a lot of heartache.  If only we would do things his way.  God said, “I know the plans I have for you and my plans are to prosper you and not harm you.  To give you a future and hope.”  God has amazing plans for each of us but we all have at some point thought that our way was better and so off we went to do things our way.  Only to find out like the prodigal son that our way only landed us in a world of trouble.  But God, who is full of mercy and grace and love for us in spite of us, receives us back with open arms.  He heals our broken hearts and binds up our wounds.

• Point 3: I spoke yesterday about trusting God with every area of our life. When it comes to matters of the heart and waiting on my husband I have to give complete trust to God. I have to know that God knows what is best. I have to know that there is nothing that I can do on my own merit to land a husband. Well, I could but it could be so much more costly that way. Trust God enough in whatever area you are withholding from him to know that he knows best. He created you. He knows what you need and what you don’t need. He sees what you can’t. He knows what you don’t. And if we would just surrender, what he wants to bless us with will be so much better than anything we can do our own. He will do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could think or ask.

I no longer view my singleness as a curse or a sentence. I’ve begun to look at it as an opportunity to grow.  I see it now as time spent with God to prepare me to be a wife.  You see, I don’t just want to be a wife.  I want to be an excellent wife.  I want to be the type of wife where my husband’s friends look at him and say, “God favored you.”  I want him to be proud to call me his wife.  And to quote Cheesette Cowan, I want to be my husband’s crown.  So I’m putting in the work now.  I’m not concerned with the wedding or the ring. I’m focused on the marriage.  And….and I thank Cheesette for this as well…..I believe that God gave me this desire.  And I believe that as I delight myself in him he will give me the desires of my heart.  But until then I plan to continue to lay the foundation.  I realize that not every marriage is the same and everything won’t work for every couple.  But I do believe that there are some basic foundational truths that work regardless and I am feeding off all of the information that I am receiving; learning, gleaning and praying.

Finally, I’ll be 50 in five months. If anyone had told me in my 20s or 30s that I would be 50 and not married I would have told them they were crazy.  But here I am.  I would be lying if I did not say I do think about what if it does not happen.  I do think about that.  I think about how I will feel.  But more importantly I think about who will take care of me if I get sick?  Who will be there for me as I age?  When you’re married and have a family it’s assumed that your spouse and/or kids will care for you when you become sick or as your age.  I understand it doesn’t happen that way all of the time but it should.  But for someone like myself who is single, it is something that I have to think about.  And it’s something that I pray about.  But even if that “what if” happens, I believe that God will be with me then.  Again, he promised to NEVER leave me.  So even if I find myself in the last quarter of life and I never married I know that God is with me.

• Point 4: Regardless of where life takes you, God is there. He was there in the fiery furnace and he will be with you and with me as well. We just have to trust him. See how everything goes back to trust God? God loves us so much. And if he didn’t leave us when we were in our mess, surely he isn’t going to leave us now.

Hotep